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    November 16

    真见鬼

     
    在这山喀喇,我们把唐人简称做“人”,把鬼佬简称为“鬼”,我以为这种叫法已经涵盖了整个人类了,偏偏就有那么个物种不人不鬼,为数还很多。
     
    经验来说,在国外呆久了,多少都在不知不觉间变得“不人不鬼”——分明英文很烂还满口改不了的乡音,一句话里还硬夹杂着几个英文单词。见惯不怪,本人也差不多程度地那么欠扁,说习惯的词突然要用中文表达,翻译都需要时间,干脆就半人半鬼地说下去算了。但至少给我把词给说对啊,扮鬼也给我来点专业精神行不?!
     
    昨天一个面目可憎的女人跑来退货,投诉说买的锅漏水了,多大点p事说得和发生雪崩一样严重,而且越听越觉得好像就是我这个微不足道的人,造成了那个世界灾难。没精神跟这种特别“精神”的人怄气,更别说那女人还一直坚持用爆蹩脚的英文在狂数,我要中文差一点,都没办法理解她的意思,没错,是中文差一点都不行。陪个假笑,直接给张投诉表,填吧,填完快点拿钱走人,别逼本小姐拿英文回应你,怕你到时还真听不懂了。
     
    女人气呼呼地写了半天,甩我面前,我又报以一个假笑,然后看看她到底写了什么个长篇大论的骂文,结果只看到三个字:POT IS LICKING. 大婶,你谋杀啊!差点没笑到崩溃,气都要闭了!之前多生气多窝囊都可以释怀了,you really made my day, bitch!The pot is licking?! Licking what? Licking your fat ass?! You wish!
     
    转身,拿红笔把那个见鬼了的词圈起来,隔壁写上“leaking”,还狂掐了自己一下才能继续一本正经的假样,退货还钱,最后还附送一句:“Have a nice day!” 是我,have a nice day。谢谢您了。
     
    突然觉得上班好有趣哦,尽管臭着脸不把我当人地来狂轰滥炸我吧婊子们,反正你们也没把你们自己当人,我就每日一次免费看“见鬼”娱乐秀好了。谢谢招待,欢迎再来。想出名?我给你全套,给你发扬光大。
     

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